“A portrait of my children every week in 2016.”
I’m really far behind on publishing the posts for my 52 week portrait project, so I’m just going to give you the pictures from weeks sixteen and seventeen, and let you write your own captions!
today is my birthday // i’m 35
All night the dark buds of dreams open richly. In the center of every petal is a letter, and you imagine if you could only remember and string them all together they would spell the answer. It is a long night, and not an easy one—you have so many branches, and there are diversions— birds that come and go, the black fox that lies down to sleep beneath you, the moon staring with her bone-white eye. Finally you have spent all the energy you can and you drag from the ground the muddy skirt of your roots and leap awake with two or three syllables like water in your mouth and a sense of loss—a memory not yet of a word, certainly not yet the answer—only how it feels when deep in the tree all the locks click open, and the fire surges through the wood, and the blossoms blossom. — “Dreams” by Mary Oliver
This morning I was looking back at my birthday post from last year, written by a thirty-four year-old me who was obviously feeling very vulnerable and uncertain. I was confused, the future completely opaque, and I was worried about where I might be in a year or two when both kids were in school and didn’t need a full-time mother—I didn’t have a career to return to, and the idea of starting from scratch was completely overwhelming.
Things have changed.
In the past year I got a part-time job, doing something I really enjoy. I did some professional photography work and realized that I don’t really have the desire to take pictures as a full-time career—what a relief to be certain of that! I finally launched, and have been pouring myself into, a new creative endeavor called around the year. I was confirmed into the Episcopal Church.
I feel like myself, now more than ever—in fact, I feel a lot like the person I was as a child.
Thirty-five feels like possibilities.
It feels like standing in a beautiful forest, with the early morning sunlight touching down on my skin, like golden petals, as it passes through the leaves and branches—ahead of me are many paths, all of them inviting, all of them drawing me closer to myself. God willing, there will be time to explore each one, and that’s just what I plan to do this year.
15 // 52
“A portrait of my children every week in 2016.”
Lillia: This week was the big performance! The night before the show you were a nervous wreck. We were trying to run lines, and you couldn’t remember some of them. I am no help in this sort of situation, as I just feed off your emotions and get myself all stressed out, which just makes things exponentially worse. Luckily, Dad took over and the two of you worked through the script—by the end you were laughing. As I expected, you did fantastically well at the performance. I spoke to the Drama Club teacher afterward, and she said you were a “natural” which, of course, we already knew. Bravo, Lillia!
Zane: This week you ran in your first race—the Sports Medicine Fun Run! The track is about four-tenths of a mile, so definitely manageable for little people. You took off sprinting, which gave you a sidestitch later on, but you did finish. You seem to enjoy running and are a pretty active kid, in general. Next year we’ll probably do some practicing beforehand, just so you can pace yourself a little better. You were very proud of yourself, and we’re proud of you, too.
14 // 52
“A portrait of my children every week in 2016.”
Well, folks, I messed up and wrote this week’s summaries on last week’s post—that’s what happens when I get behind on blogging and can’t tell one week from another. To make up for it, please enjoy these photos of my adorable, wonderful children!
13 // 52
“A portrait of my children every week in 2016.”
Lillia: This week is your last of play rehearsals before performance week. On the way to ballet class on Thursday you were going over your script and counting how many lines you had compared to the other characters. You were thoroughly impressed that you had 153, which was way more than even the supposed “lead” character. I haven’t seen you express much nervousness about the upcoming performance—you actually seem pretty calm and confident. You said everything will go fine as long as the fifth graders can learn their lines. We’ll find out for sure next week!
Zane: This week you’ve really been enjoying reading with me. While you still have a nice collection of board books in your room, it’s clear that you’re ready to move on to “big kid” picture books. In fact, several times this week you’ve requested “the book with the cyclopes” (pronounced sy-clope-ees), which is D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Myths that we bought for Lillia way back when we were homeschooling. You really seem to enjoy these myths, even though they are quite strange! I’ll attribute your affinity to your 1/8 Greek heritage.
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